Doctor's Office
Julie sat in the doctor's office. The decor was Southwestern even though the year was 2011. Southwestern pastels. Even the chairs were upholstered in a Southwestern print. It reminded Julie of the sectional sofa her parents used to have when she was growing up --in the '70's. she looked around. There was a stack --if you could call it a stack-- of magazines on the table next to her. Parenting magazines, news magazines, skiing, home decorating. Nothing that really interested Julie. Her phone was almost dead. Why didn't I think about charging it before I left? God, I hate having to sit waiting with nothing to do. The door opened and in walked a giant rabbit holding a squirrel. Julie looked around to see if anyone else was seeing this. No one seemed to notice. Great, I'm having hallucinations. Well, at least I'm in the right place. Except not really, since this is a gynecologist's office and not a psychiatrist's. The giant rabbit hopped up to the sign-in window and asked the receptionist, "Excuse me, but is there a Maria Cosgrove here?" The receptionist was on the phone and held up her index finger to indicate to the rabbit that she wanted him to wait just a minute. Julie began to count to herself, one Mississippi, two Mississippi...to see if it would be a real minute or a metaphorical minute. Forty-five Mississippi.."Okay, how can I help you?" The receptionist didn't bat an eyelash. While she did indeed see the rabbit--giant rabbit standing in front of her, she seemed unfazed. "Do you have a Maria Cosgrove working here?"
"Yes, she's here. Do you want me to get her?"
"Yes please."
The receptionist got up and walked away from her desk for a few seconds and returned with what was presumably Maria Cosgrove.
"Maria Cosgrove?"
"Yes?"
The rabbit began singing a song to the melody of Al Jolson's "You Made Me Love You.": "Some bunny loves you! He didn't wanna do it, he didn't wanna do it, but this bunny loves you you true, ya know it's true, yes you do, indeed you do! Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme what I cry for, ya know you got the kinda kisses that I'd die for, you made this bunny love you!
"Jeremy?"
The rabbit got on his knee Al Jolson style and held the squirrel he was carrying out to Maria.
"Maria, will you marry me?"
Maria began to cry.
"Oh Jeremy! I love you so much, but there's something you need to know about me first," Maria reached around behind her neck and began pulling at something, bringing the hair on the back of her head to the front and peeling off her face --which turned out to be a silicone mask-- revealing the head of a ferret. she pulled at her arms and they became the forelegs of a ferret. A giant ferret.
"Jeremy, I love you and I want to be with you forever. Now you understand why I'm a vegetarian, but my parents...they aren't vegetarians, and they will eat you alive. Literally.
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