Going to a Support Group

Hubby and I are going to a support group that is for family members of people with mental illnesses. It is possible the group will last until after midnight, so I'm posting this now in case I don't get back in time to post later, which is good because here I am, posting way the heck earlier in the evening (5:20pm) than I have all month. Now only if I could manage to get a post that has more substance than what I've been posting...though, I don't know, considering what has been happening in the past few days, I'm doing okay, and maybe there is more substance here than one might realize at first glance. 

Or is that just wishful thinking on my part?

What do you think?

Another Day...

Another quick post to show that I am marginally capable of writing something every day. This doesn't really prove anything, because I sometimes write texts and Facebook comments that are longer than this, and I do that every single day. 

Not really happy with this blogger app. I guess if I couldn't get online but wanted to write my post even if I couldn't publish it? No, because I could just write it up in any writing app. 

Let's see what tomorrow brings. I've had 11 days in a row to show me that it isn't the best idea to put my writing off till after 10PM. 

Almost Forgot!

I was getting ready to put everything away when I realized I hadn't posted for the day! But what to post? I forgot to take a pic of my new iPad, so here's a photo of my son being kissed by Olivia Munn at the San Diego Comic Con --I think it was around 2004? 2006? I took a screen shot of the Facebook pic with my phone.

Poor Sales Resistance?

I am typing this from my new iPad Air. I got it for "free" when...well let me start at the beginning. My daughter and I walked in to the At&t store to get a protective case for her phone. While the highly skilled sales person was helping us with that, she looked up our info and found out how much we were paying each month for all of our cell phones and tablet, and put us on a plan that would save us money. With that plan we got a free iPad Air and a hotspot. She also showed me how to use the Isis wallet on my Galaxy Note 3. With that I got $25 free when I signed up with the Amex Serve card attached to Isis. With that I used it toward the keyboard/case I got for the iPad. I'm still getting used to it. Trying the Blogger app for this post. Not sure if I like it, because I can't as easily go back and forth from working on my post to going on the internet when I want to create a hot link. 

If I had thought it through, maybe I could have taken a photo of my new tech with my phone. I'd have access to it online. I could still do that, but I would want to take it out of its case first, and switch screens, and I don't know yet if this will save so I can go back to it because this is the first time I've used this app, so maybe I'll post some pics tomorrow.

Still here...

It is at this point that I question why I am trying to make blog posts every single day. It is good to get in the habit of writing something every day even if I only write one or two sentences. Sometimes I look at the shorter blog posts and wonder if I'm "cheating." Am I just trying to get a token post in so I can finally after years of off and on attempts, finally succeed in NaBloPoMo? That's how I feel sometimes, but that is when I am forgetting the point of NaBloPoMo. For me, it is to get in the habit of writing every day. Even if I put it off until the very last moments of my day, at least I'm doing something. My plan is to work toward writing in the mornings after I work out. Oh, yeah, I'm going to start back on working out again too. Whee!

See you tomorrow(?)

I Had Plans For a Longer Post...

But a sudden family emergency came up, so no lengthy post today. But here is a nice picture of our cats all hanging out on our bed in calmer times, just days ago:

Random Streaming

Why is it, the moment I decide to get down to the business of making a blog post, I have a sudden urge to lay down and take a nap? It's 9:41 PM as I type this, so I'm pretty sure the nap would extend past midnight and then I wouldn't get my blog post in for today.

What did I do today?
I took my daughter to school. I got blood drawn as I do on a regular basis to check my cholesterol, blood sugar, and other blood panel and urine panel checks to make sure all the meds I'm taking are not messing with my kidneys or other internal organs.

The results show up in my email bit by bit. Still don't have my blood sugar levels. Cholesterol was a little higher than usual. This might be because I tried getting my cholesterol meds refilled though the mail this time. I thought I gave plenty of time, but when they still hadn't arrived by the time I was out, I decided it was a fail. I gave them through the weekend, thinking that was all I was going to be without them. I checked the website on a Monday, and there was no record me even ordering them. It was possible that at the very end, perhaps I did not press one last confirmation button. I still don't know how it could have happened because I remember getting a page that said my order was complete. I couldn't wait another week to ten days, so I ordered them online to pick up at the pharmacy. Of course they would not be ready till Wednesday for pick up because I didn't order them until after noon. If it had been before noon, I could have picked them up Tuesday.

By Wednesday, we were low on funds, so I had to wait till Thursday. I forgot until Friday after the pharmacy closed. Had to wait till the following Monday. I started taking them again that Monday night. Two days later, I get a call from my doctor's office telling me it's time to come in for my blood panel and it's a fasting one. No eating after 8pm. Because I had only been back on my cholesterol meds for a couple of days, I decided to wait till the following week on Thursday to get my blood drawn. Thursday morning I woke up, not entirely sure if I had stopped eating before 8pm. So Friday, it was!

It is now 10:25 PM. It took me that long to write that little bit. I am way too easily distracted to write anything of length. I need to get into the habit of writing again...yet if I talk about it like it's work that I don't want to do, do I really want to write? I want to want to want to write. That will be my mantra this month. Maybe I will start to enjoy it again. Now it's just kind of, "Meh."

Very Short Story From 2012

Because it is getting late, but not as late as last night (it's only 9:09 PM) and because I have come to the realization that I can NOT write anything when my husband is sitting next to me on the bed --even though he is engrossed in scrolling through Facebook posts on his phone...he just sneezed way back that word "getting" and it annoyed the crap out of me. I am not sure why, but it even annoyed me more when he said, "Oh, excuse me," it just came out sounding really dorky and annoying which I am quite sure says way more about me and how I am probably the Bitch Ice Queen of the Universe right now, than it does about him. ANYWAY, mainly because I am feeling tired and lazy, I'm posting a short story based on a prompt from a writing group I belong to. The Prompt was, "Don't Call Me Penelope."

“Hey Penelope!” Jim Farler called out to the woman a few yards ahead of him. As the woman turned, the wind almost blew the scarf from around her head. She made a quick save with one hand, while lowering her large, dark sunglasses with the other. She scanned the courtyard until she spotted her hailer. Her eyes narrowed. Jim smiled and waved as she made eye contact. She glanced around wondering if anyone else had noticed their transaction. Everyone appeared to be absorbed in their own lives today; anxious parents worrying about a child trying to escape from a group, or a conscientious pet owner picking up their dog’s crap, storing it for proper disposal. The woman gave Jim a nod of recognition, then turned back, continuing her route, hoping Jim would get the message.

Undeterred, Jim galloped across the courtyard to catch up with the woman. Though she was tall, and was making good progress, Jim was taller and caught up with her. He tapped her on the shoulder. She turned. He couldn’t see she was glaring at him from behind her sunglasses.

“I’m sorry, I’m in a hurry!” She turned to go. Her response went unnoticed by Jim who tapped her on the shoulder again.

“Penelope!” He said. At least he wasn’t shouting this time, “It’s been so long, but I’d know you anywhere!”

“I’m sorry,” said the woman, “I am sure you have the wrong person.”

“I’m sure I don’t!” Jim said, smiling, “Oh! Hey! Did you see the moon last night? That big, full moon?”

“I stayed inside last night,” she said briskly, “Now look, I really--”

“Stayed inside? On a full moon? You? Are you kidding me? That just doesn’t sound like the Penelope I know!”

“I’m not Penelope! Now I told you, I have to go! Don’t ever call me Penelope again!” She jerked away from him and practically ran off into the building overlooking the courtyard.

Jim watched as she disappeared inside. Boy, he thought, Penelope sure has changed!

I Got Closer Today

I got closer to starting my blog post earlier. I spent a large portion of the earlier part of the day alone in my room, or driving in my car alone, talking to myself. Out loud. Having conversations out loud with people who are not there. I realize they are not there, so at least that is good. I try to be aware of my surroundings enough, to stop talking out loud before someone else wonders who I'm talking to. I don't always notice that someone is within earshot in time to stop talking. Yeah, I'm just the crazy lady who talks to herself.

As I mentioned, I got closer. I had several good rants going that would have made decent blog posts, but I kept putting it off. By the time I was ready to sit down and write, they disappeared into thin air. Maybe tomorrow I'll start earlier. Maybe I'll finally sit down and write a short story. I just get so distracted lately, I don't feel like I have the patience to focus on any one thing for any length of time. How does one attain self-discipline? How does one become motivated enough to attain self-discipline. I don't think it counts if it comes easy. That isn't self-discipline, that's just doing something that comes relatively easy.

And now, here it is, 10:13PM PDT. How did I get here? Well....maybe it was because I started watching season 1, episode 2 of "Weeds" this morning. I had already watched the first episode yesterday. Then the rest of the day was filled with, "Just one more episode..." I've been putting off watching this show for years. I didn't think I would have anything in common with a woman who sells weed to make ends meet. Well, except for the dead husband, and the selling weed, I feel like I have met my fictional soul mate. The only thing I, personally would have done differently is sell my house and downsize. I do not at all see myself selling drugs to make ends meet no matter how desperate I was. Not necessarily because of any morality issue, but because I would be living in constant fear of getting caught and losing my kids.

See you tomorrow?

The Queen of Procrastination is Still Posting on Day 3

Big whoop, right? It's 10:41 PDT and I'm finally starting my post for the day. I have an alarm set on my phone to go off at 10:45 AM every day to remind me to do a blog post to keep up with NaBloPoMo. I keep it showing on my phone until I finish my post and hit "Publish."

I manage to find every mundane thing to do before I do my post. I had planned on doing a short story from a writing prompt. Instead, I ended up writing an alternate ending summary to a short story one of my fellow writing group members had written. I was going to post my short story here. I am not going to post my summary, because, well, it's just a summary. Also, I didn't get permission from my friend to repost his story here.

The whole time I was writing the summary, and even now, a recording of the Cosmos (an episode from back in April) has been playing. It's making it moderately hard to concentrate. I could turn off the TV but have become so ingrained in having it on at this hour with my husband sitting next to me in bed, flipping through his Facebook while half/watching and listening to Cosmos, or whatever other program is on. I'll have to say, usually by this time, he has checked out and is snoring away by now because he has to get up early for work.

That is all I have to write for now. Hopefully, I will be better disciplined tomorrow.

I May Need to Stay Off of Facebook

I guess I don't get it. I do have children. To the best of my knowledge, they have only ever been bullied, though not so drastically that schools or parents needed to get involved. To the best of my knowledge, my children have never been the bullies. Thankfully, they have never been abused in the way that this autistic boy from Maryland was by two teenage girls who were pretending to be his friends.

One of my Facebook friends who has an autistic daughter wrote, "I would prefer them to be tried as adults.... sick" in response to the article mentioning that one of the girls would be sent to Juvenile Detention. Well, I guess I must have had enough of reading other posts about entirely different things where people make emotionally charged knee-jerk statements, because I commented on her post with this:

That girl is sick and needs serious psychiatric intervention. I'm confused about what happened with the other girl in this case, and the victim doesn't seem to be traumatized by this excerpt maybe traumatized that the girls are going to jail? I guess I haven't learned enough from NAMI yet and what I have learned trends to make me upset whenever I see stories like this and everyone automatically wants to send the perpetrator to jail forever without considering mental illness.

She responded by kindly explaining her viewpoint as mother with an autistic daughter and explaining more about what she knew about the case. I thanked her, and figured that was that.

Then her friend comments that there is no place in society for people like that, and that a firing squad sounds good to them. That kind of highlighted my point about knee-jerk responses, but this was her friend, not mine, so I let it go (which, yes, I should have let the WHOLE entire thing go to begin with.) Oh, and to be precise, I don't even know this FB friend all that well. Our husbands grew up together. I may have met her in person once or twice.

Then my FB friend makes another post: "Donna: I think I get too emotional with these stories because I live with a daughter who is Autistic and I see how easy she can be led & easily harmed. It truly hurts my heart for the young man and his family. 
[her friend's name redacted]:  seriously... 2 bullets... I'll pay.

So in the same comment where she sort of apologizes for getting too emotional (not that she should have had to apologize, especially considering the horrific circumstances of the event), she jokingly offers to supply bullets to the firing squad. I wasn't able to stay out of it:

See...this is what I am talking about --do you honestly believe these girls deserve DEATH for what they did? DEATH? I wanted to know what happened to the other girl...was she the one whose mom found the video and turned her in? Or was it the girl in article whose mom turned her in? I am sure if it had been my son, my emotions would take over, and I would want a Scorched earth policy. But what if it had been my teenage daughter? A girl whose brain will not be fully formed in the areas of decision making skills and impulse control until she is closer to 25 (NOT at saying that she had no control of her actions or that she should in any way be EXCUSED). I would hope that she gets the psychiatric help and counselling SHE needs as well. Or do we just give up, decided they are evil and kill them? Where is the chance for the girls to learn something from this--to learn why what they did was so awful? Give them a chance to make reparations somehow. How can they do that if they are locked in a prison for adults where all they will learn is how to commit more crimes, and no hope for actual rehabilitation?

And I added:

I'm not saying they shouldn't be locked down somewhere.

During this time, I was telling my husband how I had decided to let it go, and then he noticed me typing again, and said, "Uh, oh, just couldn't let it go, huh?"

After I posted that last bit, I tried to explain, then just told him to look at the post, and then I promptly burst into tears. I'm not even sure why I burst into tears exactly. It may have something to do with fighting my depression un-medicated because the side effects are bad for my high blood pressure and high blood sugar. I do not know what is wrong with me that I have to post all that crap and can't just let things go. Later, I found that she responded to my last post with:

Nope... I don't really wish for the death penalty. It just makes me feel better for a moment saying it though.

And see, I totally get that. I have no idea why I couldn't just see that was what they were doing in the first place. What is wrong with me? This is a serious question. 

I Don't Have the Patience for This

Note that I did not write, "I don't have the time for this." I have time. I just don't feel like doing it. Another month, another chance to fail at National Blog Posting Month. Also, Camp NaNoWriMo started today. I didn't even sign up this time. I still might...would it  be cheating if I just posted whatever day's worth of crappy fiction I wrote for Camp NaNoWriMo here? I'm in this limbo of wanting to write, but not wanting to write.

I have things to write about that may of interest, but they often involve family members, and I don't want to tick them off or hurt them by writing about things that they may consider personal. Maybe I should just get over that one. But what if it's my children? I guess they can go ahead and write a "Mommy Dearest" book about me, and we'll call it even.

Mid Project Distractions

Yesterday, I posted the Doctor Who Scarf I am working on. Today, I got a text from my sister-in-law asking if I could make her a hat and scarf in Bronco colors in time for her to wear them on the 12th of this month. So this is what I am working on right now and I almost forgot to make a post today! Pictures will be forthcoming when I'm done.

WIP Wednesday: Tom Baker Scarf

Aka, The Fourth Doctor Scarf. Also, a sneak peak of my finished yarn bowl in action --I'll post bigger pics on Friday of the finished bowl.

I got the yarn online, which I do not recommend unless you are using the exact recommended yarn brands and colorways from the pattern. I am also using sock yarn instead of worsted weight, so it won't be quite as ridiculously humongous --especially since my 12-year-old daughter has claimed ownership. If I even make another one, I guess I'll either use the yarns they recommend, or find the colors in person. It's just straight knitting with a slipped stitch at the end of each row, so it's great to do while catching up on my DVR queue.

Diva Donna's Day of Decadence

The Wordpress Daily Prompt is:

Daily Prompt: Festivus for the Rest of Us
by Krista on December 15, 2013

You have been named supreme ruler of the universe. Your first order of business is creating and instituting a holiday or festival in your honor. What day of the year is your holiday? What special events will take place? Describe YOU DAY in as great a detail as you can muster: the special foods we’ll consume, the decorations we’ll use…everything.

If I'm going to go about creating a festival in my honor, it won't be about what I try to do: Eat healthy food in healthy serving sizes, and get regular exercise. The Official Foods will be: Guacamole and Dark Chocolate.  Not mixed together. Just anything that complements those items. Oh! And there must be garlic, and something with melted cheese --but not too much melted cheese or the evil gods of Lactose Intolerance will visit revelers when they least suspect. And eggs with runny yolks. Perhaps starting the day with some sort of egg, bacon, sausage and potatoes bake, where the eggs are left whole to bake in the oven, so that when it's done and you slice into it with your fork, the yolk runs all over the potatoes, bacon and sausages. There will be a commercial tie-in with Carl's Jr. (Hardee's) and their Six-Dollar Guacamole Bacon Cheese Burger. 

For those who can afford fancier meals: Steak! Preferably medium rare. Preferably filet mignon. 

Dessert? Dark Chocolate Anything. 

Music: Beatles, Eagles, Billy Joel, Ludo, Pat Benetar, The Dresden Dolls, Amanda Palmer, Mumford and Sons

The Princess Bride and/or Episodes of any Steven Moffatt series, preferably, Doctor Who and Sherlock will be playing in the background. If those are not to the taste of the revelers, there are many alternate movies and TV programs...Too many. 

As for decorations, Diva Donna has eclectic tastes. If revelers choose to go more traditional, hand knit and crocheted decorations might be fun--but make it awesome, like perhaps Science Fiction themed. No doilies! (Unless you are knitting a stack of doilies in reference to Diana Barry from Anne of Green Gables --or if the doilies are not too precious and are knit in filet with references to the Diva's favorite pop-culture references from the 1990's through our current time. 

Really, just have fun, revelers and do whatever the hell you want! 

Yarn Bowl (Part 1)

Last night, I took my daughters with me to an event at Painted Earth that was organized by my Stitch n Bitch group. We painted yarn bowls. A yarn bowl is a bowl that has a slit or hole in the side. You put your working ball of yarn in the bowl, thread your yarn through the hole if it's a new project, or through the slit if it's a work in progress, and it helps keep the ball of yarn from bouncing all over the place or from rolling away as you pull more yarn from it. Click here for some examples of lovely yarn bowls.

Being the Doctor Who fan that I am, I attempted to paint the Exploding Tardis that was painted by a fictionalized Vincent Van Gogh in the episode, The Pandorica Opens.  Part of the problem, aside from a severe lack of formal art training, is that when painting on ceramics, the paints appear to not only be much lighter before they are to be fired in the kiln, but often a slightly different shade. So, here is the before shot of my yarn bowl:

The front of the bowl. Notice the slit with the hole at the end. The hole is supposed to be at the center of the explosion.

Aaaaaand, here's the back.

My daughters painted mugs. We are supposed to come back in a week to pick up our finished products. I'll post more pics then.

It's a Record!

If I don't do anymore posts this month, I will have broken my previous NaBloPoMo record of posting 12 days in a row before I let the day get away from me and forgot to publish a post. Tonight, I'm meeting my Stitch n Bitch group and we're going to paint yarn bowls at a local paint your own ceramics place. I'll post the preliminary results tomorrow, maybe. We don't get them back for few days while they are being fired in the kiln.

Love Me Dead

This is one of the songs that I can listen to over, and over, and over, and over. You will see me singing along and rocking out to it while I'm driving. I feel like I've experienced both sides of this. Is it a bad thing that I feel a little twinge of pride when I imagine this being sung about me? Is this a first step to becoming a Super-Villain?

Work In Progress Wednesday - The 4th Doctor Scarf

The colors looked closer to the correct colors when I was ordering the yarn online. This is why I don't like to order yarn online. A few days ago, I posted a pic of my yarn that had arrived (scroll past the mug pics). The colors look closer to how they looked online in the photo, thanks to lighting and my flash. For some reason, I ended up having to edit this one just to get it close. So this is my scarf so far. I'm using fingering/sock weight yarn instead of worsted weight and size 2 needles instead of...well the pattern suggests size 5 with worsted weight, but I think I'd end up using size 8. I cast on 66 as the pattern suggests. It is still going to be a fairly wide scarf in spite of the lighter weight yarn. I am pretty sure I'd cast on fewer stitches if I was using a heavier weight. I almost used a size 5 needle with this yarn, but my daughter, who will be wearing this scarf, preferred the tighter knit. 

Covert Narcissism?

Playing with the writing prompt for today, where we were asked how good we were at placing others before ourselves. This made me think about all the Narcissism Personality Disorder posts and articles I've been noticing on the internet lately. They seem to have eclipsed all the Introversion vs. Extroversion articles and posts (Of course they would, wouldn't they?)

Then, I stumbled upon this article, 23 Signs You're Secretly a Narcissist Masquerading as a Sensitive Introvert.  It has a test. I took the test. I scored 42. I did a little fist pump when I saw that score because I am a Douglas Adams fan (SPOILER ALERT).

I breathed a sigh of relief, because, apparently, at least according to this test, I scored very low on the narcissism scale. The average score was upper mid-60's. 82 and above is high on the covert narcissism scale.




I apologize for the short post. My mind is in the process of becoming engulfed in Brain Fog™.  Hopefully, there will be clearer "skies" tomorrow.