Wednesday, June 04, 2014

I Got Closer Today

I got closer to starting my blog post earlier. I spent a large portion of the earlier part of the day alone in my room, or driving in my car alone, talking to myself. Out loud. Having conversations out loud with people who are not there. I realize they are not there, so at least that is good. I try to be aware of my surroundings enough, to stop talking out loud before someone else wonders who I'm talking to. I don't always notice that someone is within earshot in time to stop talking. Yeah, I'm just the crazy lady who talks to herself.

As I mentioned, I got closer. I had several good rants going that would have made decent blog posts, but I kept putting it off. By the time I was ready to sit down and write, they disappeared into thin air. Maybe tomorrow I'll start earlier. Maybe I'll finally sit down and write a short story. I just get so distracted lately, I don't feel like I have the patience to focus on any one thing for any length of time. How does one attain self-discipline? How does one become motivated enough to attain self-discipline. I don't think it counts if it comes easy. That isn't self-discipline, that's just doing something that comes relatively easy.

And now, here it is, 10:13PM PDT. How did I get here? Well....maybe it was because I started watching season 1, episode 2 of "Weeds" this morning. I had already watched the first episode yesterday. Then the rest of the day was filled with, "Just one more episode..." I've been putting off watching this show for years. I didn't think I would have anything in common with a woman who sells weed to make ends meet. Well, except for the dead husband, and the selling weed, I feel like I have met my fictional soul mate. The only thing I, personally would have done differently is sell my house and downsize. I do not at all see myself selling drugs to make ends meet no matter how desperate I was. Not necessarily because of any morality issue, but because I would be living in constant fear of getting caught and losing my kids.

See you tomorrow?

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